breakingapart_HER HEART ; open

[Leah Wayside]

Leah walked along the beach. She honestly loved it a lot. It was much different than the beaches back in LA. And sure, she has been in Roanoke since freshmen year, but those old memories still flash back to her. The beaches here were way more quiet, and at least you didn't have girls with their puppies who looked as skinny as thin air. That sure was a plus. She just worked so hard to be like that and she doubted that nowadays.

Doesn't that just sound very wrong ?

Leah decided to take a moment at stare across the sea. As the wind blew past her, her brunette hair swifted across her face. Removing, she took a look again. She definitely had changed since her freshmen year. That blue eyes and sweet perfected smile - she still kept that in a way probably. But, she wanted to be a different too.

Its just not being herself was way easier. Doesn't that just suck ? And seriously, who would love her when she has no idea who she even is ? Its just that perfection sounds wrong and .. well too complicating. Wasn't she at the beach for clearing her mind up ? Sighing, Leah reached for a stone and attempted to skip it. It didn't work out of course, but it certainly was something she different.

Leah always had a thing for making sure she gets it right. But unable to skip a stone ? She simply shrugged it off and laid herself on the beach. It was a cool evening, and might as well learn to enjoy some moments in life right ?[/size]

[Jay Nathan-Cruz]

The sky shawed of an orange and pink color as the sun began to set on the beach. The water was a grey color as the night clouds forced to settle in. Jay watched the war between noon and night as he stood there. He was wearing some sweat shorts and no shirt. The less clothing, the more sweat. It was time to train for basketball season and he had to get back on his game.

Jay ran around the beach with his iPod in his ear. It was cool for sundown, but this was the perfect time to exercise. He had to get in shape for basketball season. If he didn't there would be know way he would make Varsity that year. He worked his leg muscled harder as he began to take longer strides. It was weird training with a replacement knee, but he swore that he was going to make it work this year. There was a slight burning in his joints, good, that meant he was working them well. It was said that Jay was a work-a-holic, he didn't care, as long as he was in shape for basketball-his main priority- then it was no pain no gain.

Jay took a break and sat on the beach, watching the horizon slipping away. It was beautiful and peaceful.

[Leah Wayside]

Leah fumbled again and again. Maybe she should really just take a break and focus on actually relaxing and doing what she wanted to do and not what she figured she should do but .. are you suppose to even focus to relax ? Wasn't relaxation was just suppose to come somehow or rather ? It just wasn't working out for her.

Sighing, Leah stared across her ocean. Though that really only made her worse, as she only remembered about her dad and her .. crappy family. Woohoo. It was a good thing that she could hear footsteps, at least she wasn't the only one at the beach. Leah didn't hate being lonely, but a beach without people = empty atmostphere. So, that definitely made her feel a little more comfortable. Though thinking, who would really be at the beach in the late evening ? She really didn't remember much that appreciated sunsets or sunrises, and heading for the nearest club with their fake IDs instead.

Her dad. Why did staring across the ocean had to remind her off ?

Well probably, that was because he really was that far away. Of course Leah would say she didn't mind, but seriously how would she not mind ? Family are suppose to stick with each other. Is it her fault that she wasn't good enough ? .. Right, maybe she just wasn't perfect enough. And now she's striving for everything possible for nothing really, then there her dad was with his new family.

Noticing that the footsteps had died down, Leah reverted back to reality and realized the dead silence surrounding her. Her piercing orbs gazing around the place, she stopped dead at a very familiar figure. No. Way. Well yes, it was none other that someone that just .. made her feel worse or better. Hmm, go figure. "What brings a guy like you to the beach ?" Leah spoke, making it clear and audible for him to hear a few steps away from her while her gaze set on him. [/size]

[Jay Nathan-Cruz]

<sup>The silence and the ambiance of this place was beautiful. He could let himself slip away for all he cared, since for once in his life, the world was giving him a break. The music was engulfing him, this couldn’t have been a more pleasant day-

"What brings a guy like you to the beach ?"

And with that, the silence was broken with the oh-so familiar, yet slightly shrewd buzzing sound he knew all too well. Maybe it was a dream? Or a hallucination. There was only one way to find out. He turned to see, non other than, Leah. If he wanted to be condescended, he would have given his father a call. He took out one of his headphones as he still stared at the water.

“Guys like me try to go to the beach and relax. Take there minds off of the things that…trouble us in life.” He said, still not looking toward her. He rubbed his scar on his knee from where he had it replaced. “Basketball season is coming up and it’s been long overdue since I’ve been on the court. A car accident and a knee replacement isn’t going to keep me from what I love.” For some reason his words sounded harsh, he didn’t mean too, it was just the bad blood between them. It irritated him that he could let something so futile ruin a good friendship and, well, weary relationship.

“What are you doing out here. Isn’t it a bit dirty compared to your liking?”</sup>

[Leah Wayside]

Leah loved luck. She and luck should have been inseperable. But somehow, karma hated her a lot and so she really didn't know why she started talking to the guy. Leah could have just sat there all alone, and he could be there all alone and then she wouldn't have to get herself into a mess again.

“Guys like me try to go to the beach and relax. Take there minds off of the things that…trouble us in life.”

Leah didn't know whether she wanted to laugh or cry, but it was obvious that even through those so many years she still didn't know the guy well enough. "Mm I never thought guys like you had trouble," But for words like that, Leah sounded a tad concerned. It was funny because through all those break-ups and make-ups and break-ups, she still cared for the guy a lot. It was no lie that she was a big part of her life again and again. It just didn't exactly work out which made everything so bitter.

"Sorry 'bout the knee.." Leah bit her lip as she just stayed confused. She wanted to be mad and hate Jay so much, but then she wanted to be friends with him too. Just friends? Well, Leah didn't really know and that annoyed her. Gee. What else doesn't she know ? .. She has the tendency to just want to be a know-it-all. "Well .. great then," Leah knew he loved basketball very much and she really had no clue of the car accident.

It was obvious she just wasn't there for him. Make up for lost ground ? Well, that was what she thought so at first until a slight comment poked her sensitivity. "Dirty ? Oh yeees it is, I should be at the mall or club - shouldn't I ?" Leah spoke sarcastically as she .. was that suppose to be who she was ? [/size]

[Jay Nathan-Cruz]

“Ah yes, and now we get to the root of the problem.” He replied, “Malls are too crowded and night-clubs are too loud for your taste, I would say……yes, a country club would fit you just fine.” He looked up and now orange-blue sky as he spotted a cloud he could keep track of.
He closed his eyes, as if he were thinking to himself and opened them again, looking toward her, but not exactly at her. Just behind her, so he could see the blurred shape of her without having to see her expressions.
“A country club on a nice warm summer night. Probably a strawberry social going on where you can rub elbows with privileged socialites and going over future college choices. Getting ‘in’ with the alumni since you’ll be graduating soon. Aww, Leah, my little soon to be collegiate student should be working hard.”
He really didn’t mean to sound cruel, but it seemed as if perfection was the only thing she cared about. Besides, she started with sarcasm, he just wanted to return the favor.
The he made a tragic mistake. He let his eyes focus in on her completely. From her beautiful hair, that he usually loved running his finger through, to her skin, to her clothing to her facial expressions.
He saw the expression on her face and immediately felt bad. Did he want to make her cry? No, he didn’t eve want to make her feel hurt. Then why was he being like this?

“Look, I didn’t mean that. I’m sorry. Yeah, selfless Jay apologizing, anyway, I hope whatever you do benefits you in life.” Wow, he sounded like a parent just then.

[Leah Wayside]

Leah really could've remained speechless, and let him blab on about why he knows her better than ever herself. But, that'd be even more of a lie than her life - wouldn't it ? And, her life was pretty much one big life so that said just .. how wrong he was.

“Ah yes, and now we get to the root of the problem.” He replied, “Malls are too crowded and night-clubs are too loud for your taste, I would say……yes, a country club would fit you just fine.”

"Seriously after all these years, I actually expected you to know me a tad better," Leah replied bitterly. She watched as his eyes looked as if they were about to gaze into hers, but thankfully he wasn't really looking.. straight. 'Cause, she really would have a terrible time dealing with lying and keeping her cool if his eyes were gazing into hers.

“A country club on a nice warm summer night. Probably a strawberry social going on where you can rub elbows with privileged socialites and going over future college choices. Getting ‘in’ with the alumni since you’ll be graduating soon. Aww, Leah, my little soon to be collegiate student should be working hard.”

Leah immediately mentally reminded herself to really stop slacking. Was she slacking right now ? Couldn't she just relax for a while. Alright, maybe she couldn't because if she didn't really make more of an effort than everybody else, then she might just probably ending up looking like a retard. Isn't it bogus how just a simple comment could make your head go nuts ? Yeah, thats how easy certain things get to the girl. "Your little ? Well yeah to think of it maybe I should have, then I get one step closer to avoid people like you and won't that just be awesome ?" They seemed to be going on being sarcastic that she really just couldn't resist.

.. but sometimes, that really did seem wrong.

Jay had actually been nice to her before. He probably was always nice to her, well at least always meant whenever they were together. When they weren't ? They just didn't really meet each other. "So what's in plan for your future ?" Leah asked, eventhough it pretty much wasn't any of her business. She just kinda had this pile of guilt suddenly suck onto her shoulders, and that feeling really sucked.

".. I'm sorry too." Leah suddenly added as she had these really different emotions in her. All she knew was that affectionate grin still came through, and she wasn't really mad or even trying to start an argument with him.

Really, could she ever hate the guy ?

(( ooc; sorry for the really late reply. )) [/size]

[Jay Nathan-Cruz]

"Where am I going? I don't know. Maybe I'll checkout Stanford or Yale, but hell, maybe my dad will just pay my way into college here. I atleast know that's a sure thing."

Jay looked at the grin on her face. Did she find his apology amusing? Was she condescending him? He didn't know. He couldn't tell.
"So, what's bothering you?" he said, noticing the anxiety on her face.
"Well, more like what's bothering you besides me. It'll probably make you feel better if you talked about it. I mean, we can talk about my problems, but I doubt you have a year to spare."

He was concerned. He didn't really want shun her out completely. With the ups and downs they've been through they should just sit back and laugh about it. He gestured next to him. "You can sit if you want. I mean, if you feel like standing, go ahead, but just know that sooner or later your going to get tired. You don't even have to sit next to me. You can sit all the way over there and we can yell our conversation. We're used to doing that so it won't be such a stretch."

He felt good joking around with her. Maybe jokes can cut down the tension. "There shouldn't be any tension." He said to no one imparticular. It was really meant to stay in his head. He just said it aloud for reasons unknown.
"No, but seriously, what's up. You don't look very well." He seemed to notice that right off the bat, but he didn't want to mention anyting.

He noticed that the sky was now a light violet color.
Night was creaping in and the lightposts on the dock started to gleam one by one as the shops turned on their outside lights. The wind grew a slight chill as the warm air began to die down. He still put his attention toward Leah. Was she cold. He wouldn't know unless she said it. He took off the jacket he was wearing.
"It's getting cold. Take this."
Was it habitual to take care of her? Probably, he just didn't want her to be uncomfortable.

[Leah Wayside]

Leah felt the tension falling even worse, and she felt even horrible. Jay never really done anything bad to her, and for the moment she was scared that even apologies weren't going to be accepted.

"Where am I going? I don't know. Maybe I'll checkout Stanford or Yale, but hell, maybe my dad will just pay my way into college here. I atleast know that's a sure thing."

That was when it really hit her hard. She bit her lip, stopping herself to add a bitter response. "Then you're lucky. At least you've got a dad that will pay your way, or even be there for you," Leah fumbled. She just couldn't control herself as she bit her lip harder to hope that her emotions won't take over her. Leah just couldn't really accept the fact that somehow or rather her father was gone. Would he still be there if she was just like Jay ? Yeah, maybe she should've been more like Jay. He has a dad that would pay his way for him. And, she just has to work her butt of without her dad in sight.

Life is just so fair and perfect.

"Whats bothering me ? I'm sorry, but I just don't have a dad to pay my way to anywhere !" Leah really tried to keep herself together. I mean, she could. She really could. Its not like she hasn't before, so there really should be no reason why she couldn't at the moment. ".. nevermind. Umm, we could always talk about yours. If anything is really bothering you, then well at least I have some time to spare," She said, but it was obvious that something was starting to bug her and she knew she couldn't blame Jay for that.

No, all he really wanted to do was try to make her feel better and here she was feeling as bitter as ever. "Which girl in their right mind wouldn't want to sit right next to a guy like you ?" She grinned and sat herself down next to him. She snuggled herself into his arms as he wrapped his jacket on her. "Are you sure you won't be cold yourself ?" She pondered, wanting to give him back the jacket. She might have needed it more, but that didn't mean he didn't need it at all.

"I just kinda miss my parents thats all. I mean, my mom has literally.. passed, but my dad's really just being a jerk. Its senior year and he still has yet to bother. I'm just really wondering what was so wrong with me that he just decided to leave me here and take care of his new family," Leah finally gave in as she said. She didn't know whether he currently thought she was an idiot or a drama queen or a fool, but she couldn't blame him if he thought any of those.

[Jay Nathan-Cruz]

Jay put his hand up to decline the jacket and put it back around her. “I’ll get over it. You need it more. Besides, when you’re okay, I’m okay.”
Wow, where did that come from. He hadn’t said anything that nice in a while. And the weird thing is, it felt good to say it. Hell, it felt good to be nice to her for a change. There, he admitted it, he missed her. He looked at the sky.
“You know what, after all of the times we’ve both been here together, I think this is the first time there was a sunset. It’s beautiful. But hey, only the best for Leah, right?” He let his arm rest around her shoulder.
If she moved it, then it would be her decision. It felt familiar, she did smell good though.
It was comforting.
He remembered something.
The whole conversation about going to college had hit a rough spot. “Well, for some reason, that is completely disturbing, my dad swears that you are going to be my first wife. Which means, he doesn’t just like you. He finds you convenient in my life.
I’m sure if I ask him, he could pay for you, too.” He was playing with her, but it was true. His dad was already asking him to introduce her to new step-mommy. Maybe he was looking for wife number 9 and wanted Leah to be the one. It was weird.
“I’m sorry, I don’t mean that to insult you, but if you ever need help, you know I’ve got your back. It’s just weird to see you vulnerable. You usually keep me on a tight leash. Don’t you miss that.”
He smiled when he thought about it. He did miss their relationship. He missed the thought of having someone else to care about and think about . Hell, he even thought that he would marry Leah, she just reminded him of something so secure. It was comforting, since his life was highly unstable.
“So, besides being stressed what’s going on with you. Do you have someone occupying your time right now?”
His sly, but forward way of asking if she was dating someone. Maybe it was his alpha-male mentality trying to still be dominant in her life, which wasn’t really his place. But he was just so used to being high on the list and knowing her life, that it was just habitual.
Just like he was with everything in his life.

[Leah Wayside]

Ever pondered on how a feeling that sounded so right could feel so wrong ? Jay was just so nice, and she couldn't figure out why. He always was. Leah never got why people cared for her, because she just couldn't get used to that idea. Everyone who she loved practically left her. She always wished for someone to be there for her, but there was Jay - and she felt as if it wasn't real or it was a lie.

It was saddening how she sometimes found it tough to trust anyone. But, she knew Jay for a long while now so somehow she just got used to having him around. It was always tough after they hit the break-up and a rough patch, so the moment was nice. "F-for me ? No way, but its pretty. It really is, and it could resemble my mom maybe - if she was still alive," Leah shrugged, and she felt pathetic for saying that aloud. But, Jay knew her and her family ties so maybe he got used to it.

Leah just couldn't understand how he could always be there for her and never grew tired. She wasn't the best, because she really just loved overreacting and talking about herself and only herself sometimes. Like now, she was practically rambling over how she missed her parents deeply. She laughed as Jay tried to console her. "Thanks, but if anything - I'll try working for it by myself. I won't want to trouble your dad," She replied. She met his dad a few times before, but she never really spotted the tension between them.

Leah leaned her head onto him, and somehow that just made her feel better. "Nah, its kay. Well we all have our moments, don't we ?" She grinned, but looked down to the ground. Clutching her own arm, as she bit her lip. "Well, I know it'd be wrong to talk about me all night long. So, just one question - why are you so nice to me ?" Leah asked, with her voice hinting that she could break down anytime soon.

But Jay was there, and for a reason that made her feel better. And, she remembered why she missed 'them' so much. [/size]

[Jay Nathan-Cruz]

Jay looked at her as he pondered the question.
Why was he being nice. There were two answers. “Well, I can say one of two things. I can say the appropriate answer, which is that I’ll always care about you and you’re my ex, even though we are not together, I still consider you as a friend.”
He looked into her eyes as he said it, maybe he could just leave it at that and everything would be fine. But damn, it wasn’t that easy, he couldn’t lie. “Or I could tell you the truth, which is that I still love you and I never want to see you hurt.” He looked away when he said that. No knowing if it was about embarrassment, being ashamed or just plain arrogance of the matter.
“You can choose whatever explanation you want, I just think you deserve a choice.”
He adjusted himself on the ground as he gripped at his knee again for support.
There was this adrenaline in the air he couldn’t shake. Maybe it was her questioning or the sudden feeling that something big was about to happen and he just couldn’t place it. Whatever it was, it was taking over his judgment. And for a quick second, he didn’t know what to do with all that pent up aggression.
And at the beginning of the aggression to the moment he placed his eyes back on Leah. He found himself going in for a kiss.
An innocent, ‘hey, remember what we used to do?’ kiss, but in that split second, besides meeting her halfway, he decided to take it himself. Going in for a forceful, yet passionate kiss.
The adrenaline was killing him and basically took over. . He tilted the bottom of her chin so he could deepen his kiss and ran a hand through her hair. And just with that split second, he parted from her. Not knowing what got into him.

“I’m sorry. I don’t- I mean…..sorry.” That was all he could say. He looked awya from her, but something snapped in him and he turned back, "No, I'm not sorry. i spend too much of my damn life being sorry. I wanted to kiss you from the moment I laid eyes on you and I did it. So there. " What had gotten into him.

[Leah Wayside]

Leah was holding herself together, really. Well, it was either breaking down and making a fool out of herself in front of Jay would probably scare him away or .. well basically, she just had to hold herself together. Its not like she never did because she always did, but sometimes it gets hard when you hit a low-point.

.. until he kissed her.

“Or I could tell you the truth, which is that I still love you and I never want to see you hurt.”

Leah for a moment was caught in a daze. She didn't really know how to react, because that was the last thing she expected. She never expected him to still love her, especially because she probably wasn't the most beautiful girl that stepped foot on earth. And being as nice and amazing as he was, did Leah really deserve him ? Did she deserve him ?

"No, I'm not sorry. i spend too much of my damn life being sorry. I wanted to kiss you from the moment I laid eyes on you and I did it. So there. "

"Then kiss me," She said before pressing her lips onto his for another kiss. That feeling was just too right and it was the truth. That was why it got difficult sometimes, because knowing him for so long - it was as if a part of her had left. She returned the passion and the force, especially wanting to portray the feelings she had but she pulled away instead. "But y'know what I'm sorry .. I still loved you eventhough we broke up because of a fight and because .. I don't deserve you," Leah mumbled and leaned her head onto his chest before clutching him tightly. She wasn't going to try. She loved Jay, but he deserved more than the person she was.

Well, she could have changed for Jay. Maybe she could be less uptight, and stop perfecting things but she didn't really know. It could just be too late, but the feelings she had for him was so strong that it scared her because she only wanted the best for him. And whatever that should make him happy. [/size]

[Jay Nathan-Cruz]

“Don’t deserve me?” He said as he leaned back to make her more comfortable. What the hell was she talking about? “Good things happen to me whenever I’m with you.” He said silently, as he kissed her forehead. It was true, he was happy with her, even though they did argue a lot and things sometimes get to the point where he almost…didn’t like her.
But he can love her without liking her at times. “Your perfect. Even when you’re too perfect, your perfect enough for me.
Why do we do this? Obviously we love each other too much be apart, then why do we break up?” It was confusing, why did they break up so much.
Maybe that was just the trails and tribulations of their relationship. “You know you always have a place in my heart. Always. I just, I can’t let this go. Maybe we’re both stuck. But you kissed me back and that should mean something.”
He was beginning to like the sound of them getting back together, but them he stopped himself.
“But you have all these guys lined up, every time we’re not together, you’re either with River or Tiberius. I guess that’s why we’re not together, I’m a jealous guy.”
He had to admit, he did get the green eyed monster every time he saw her with another guy, even if he did know their names, but he tried to occupy himself with other things, but it all came back to the same thing. “Maybe you’ll be happier with them. But then there's my friend Meaghan, i mean, she influenced me to go brunette and I don't go brunette for just anyone.”
Wow, he was getting sentimental. He lifted her chin again and kissed her, “But I’d be happier with you, so what should we do?” He left the decision up to her. “I’d be safer and more practical if we just left things be.” There, he gave her a cushion.